Sunday, February 27, 2011


Tuesday i was in a car accident, due to a nice big patch of ice in the road. My head made a quick jerk in the 2 o'clock direction and immediately something from the base of my occipital down my trapezius seized up. since then i have been more or less shuffling around like a WWII POW. i assume its just a muscle strain, but one of my damn friends planted a seed in my brain with an anecdote about her friend's aunt getting in a wreck, thinking she pulled a muscle but actually fractured her neck. I feel like its one of those urban legend deals, but it simmered long enough to make me nervous. so tomorrow i go to the doctors to find out what the deal is.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

That "classic" sucked!

   Good Will Hunting is a case study in narcissism. Now before you all tear me a new one, hear me out. in a nutshell summary, the super-genius badass from the streets gets the girl in the end. Written by Matt Damon, starring Matt Damon. What a touching, original of story of struggle and hardship we can all relate to. I am actually working on the sequel as we speak, Good Will Hunting 2. It stars myself as a well-hung billionaire with wings, who in addition to curing cancer and finding a solution to world hunger, has legions of gorgeous women throwing themselves at my character.  Think i will win an oscar for a film of such depth?

Friday, February 25, 2011

Life's little pleasures...

My current simple pleasure is opening a bottle of snapple, and getting a fact you havent seen before. i always smirk and nod, thinking "Good to know..." Today's was that dragonflies cannot walk despite having 6 legs. they just use that shit to land. huh.... Do any of you have some interesting little factoids that can make us all just a little bit more pretentious at parties?

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Soul Calibur 2...

in response to my last post, i had no idea dueces meant goodbye; i meant it in the "two" sense haha. im gonna be around a while..... hopefully this doesnt disappoint anyone.

Soul Calibur 2 was a kick ass game. i love the fighting styles, the graphics and design, and i thought it was cool that each system had its own unique character. Obviously gamecube got Link, i was super jealous that xbox got Spawn, and the PS2, my system, got Heihachi. Bullshit. total bullshit.
   Sure, Tekken is a staple game for Sony, and soul calibur is a fighting game, but the Soul series is about kicking ass with weapons. Heihachi has no weapons, just lame bracelets at best ("his hands are deadly weapsons" is a cop out.) So why the hell did they put him in the game?
     They already have a Tekken character, Yoshimitsu, so why add another?  I liked that you could choose different styles of weapons for your characters as you advanced in the game, but all Heihachi got was different tattoo sleeves to wear on his arms. ick.
I think the powers that be should have went with Dante. He has a sword, thats pretty much all the criteria you need, and its something heihachi couldn't meet. But he also happens to be the protagonist of one of the best playstation game series ever. Is there any other superior candidate you think the PS2 version should've gotten?

Well now that my childish, outdated diatribe is finished, i think i can finally get over this injustice. feelsgoodman.jpg

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


Since i missed the "100 Followers" post, i figured i better do number 200.. Thanks everyone, and an especially big thanks to everyone who read my last post allll the way through. I appreciate the advice from you all, and i will let it simmer and think things over (objectively).
   Since my last one was so long, i figured i would keep today's short and sweet. Is there any song that really makes you think "1990's"? I am talking about the quintessential 90's song. I had a few, so i had trouble choosing, but i managed to pick a couple decent candidates. Let me know your choice, or what you think of mine. Or both!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Too close a call....

I don't know how many of you got to see, but yesterday i posted a blog about some inner turmoil i have been having lately. Not to go Class A emo, but it's the struggle over if i actually have feelings for this one girl or if i just think i do.. Not surprisingly, same girl from my Valentine's Day Hijinks post. Literally within 45 minutes of posting that, she texts me and asks what my blog is called. Creep.... So i ultimately decided to stall, delete the post, and let her take a look without (hopefully) compromising anything. You may wonder why I would re-post, but i highly doubt she would return here, it was probably just to read the Valentine's Day one. Anyways, I'd like input from total, objective strangers so i am going to type something like it up again. If you will only read one of my posts in it's entirety, please let it be this one.

     Lately i have been having some stomach aches due to potential unrequited infatuation... The kind where you realize the reality you hope for just isn't in the cards. I use the word potential because i am not sure if i truly like this girl though, i fear i may have romanticized things in my head a bit (or more, as i have done). We briefly saw each other a few weeks ago, and after we parted ways she sent me a text that said "not gonna lie, you got kinda hot since i last saw you", I dont hear things like that often, and it takes some cajones to just say that, so it felt good.  Damn good. Especially from her. i kept up some sort of texting relationship, and thats where things got tricky for me. Shes a kick ass girl, great qualities, the works, so i start asking myself, "do you think you're crushing on her?" Part of me says "yes, why wouldn't you be? you have high standards, and she exceeds them" while another is a bit more skeptical, "Are you sure its not just a by-proxy attraction, or an attraction to only the idea?" I am conflicted with how to figure things out, because there is a bit of a, uhhhh, complicated history between her and some of the people i hang out with. The pessimist (if not the realist) in me thinks things will turn sour/awkward/just plain fucked up very fast if i were to bring the two parts together.  My other fear is that things DO work out, i get what i want, and it turns out it wasn't what i was after in the first place...So for now, my hope is that i can keep things at the status quo for the time being while i screw my head on straight. Ugh the melodrama.

     Thats only the half of it, folks! She has a lingering ex, comparable only to genital herpes... Disappears, but never gone for good (oozing sores included). From what i have heard, the guy is a total scumbag piece of garbage who shes "happiest when with him"... despite feeling like shit on a near weekly basis due to him, coincidentally. This is a clear example of the Douchebag Theory. For those unfamiliar, ill post an image below. Its frustrating to think about, knowing some dipshit has the girl out of your reach, (one you wonder if you even have a chance with), on a short leash, taking advantage of the fact she can't shake the romanticized delusion (noun: a fixed false belief that is resistant to reason or confrontation with actual fact) of him being something he is clearly not. The worst part is, she thinks she is not good enough, more or less making her desperate to prove herself to him. How do you deal with that? Somehow she tricked herself into thinking she isnt good enough for him, which is how he is able to keep her on such a short leash. Cant things not be going the way she wants because hes a piece of shit? She wants it to work with him so bad at times, that when things are objectively decent at best, she is elated; thus thinking these are her happiest moments. But then true colors shine through and she despises him, perpetuating this annoying and frustrating cycle. There are noticeable gaps in that time though; i hope to appear in them and bat my eyelashes. But as for now, Hope is the only thing i have. Well that, and a stomach ache.

Douchebag Theory explained: 

if he treats me like shit.... then by getting him to like me... i have established self worth

Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Next Episode Episode Episode Episode........

Well the job i had been working at for the past four and half years finally went belly up, and now i am out of a job. Not the end of the world, since it was just part time and i still am a student, but it still sucks. In addition to looking for a new part time job, i was thinking about investing and growing my personal savings (i managed to save a pretty decent chunk o' change from my old job) The only problem is, i dont know shit about doing that. Does anyone know where i could start my quest to learn how to work something like that,  have some advice, anything? Or would it be in my best interest to forget about it? i look forward to see what input everyone has.  Even general tips for building my personal wealth would be valuable.. thanks everyone!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Valentine's Day Hijinks

     I have this one friend who is the type of girl thats a total knockout, but has seriously shitty self-esteem. I figured i'd do something nice, anonymously send her some flowers, to give her a little swagger (at least for that day). So i skip class and head to the local flower shop. The first arrangement i saw looked good, but then i noticed a crinkled petal. That shit's not gonna fly here.  I look a little more, then buy some pretty badass tulips out from under this married guy in his 30's, who thought they were "too expensive" (the guy pulled up in a Benz... she's your wife, douche). i gave him a "come at me, bro" smirk as i walked out the door, like a boss, with the flowers under my arm. From there, i enlisted a friend of mine she's never met to act as "delivery boy". So simple its foolproof, right? Well, thats when the shit hit the fan. When I reach campus at 9:30, the friend who initially agreed to help fell back asleep at about 9 that morning, during the window of time before his 11 am class i wanted to use. My three calls went unanswered so i tried someone else, still no luck. Meanwhile, i gotta keep these flowers cold so they stay lookin dope, so i am driving around the city blasting A/C with the windows rolled down. The temperature for that day was 37° F, with light snow and hail. Damnit. Finally my buddy wakes back up and texts me at 10:50 am, and says he can help after his class ends at 12:15. Ok, i can wait another hour or so, still with the windows down. During the wait, i run to a store to get one of those sticks you can put a little card in or a nametag, to try to kill some time. Finally his class ends and i pick him up at his dorm, and he writes her name on the card, in small, sorta sloppy print... Eh, i can't let that go, so i go get another card and some friendly cashier writes her name for me, in her nice woman handwriting. Now we can make the delivery. I call the front desk of her apartment complex to see where i would need to go to deliver flowers, and i am told we can take them right to the apartment. I know the building number, but not the specific apartment number, shit! So i call back and ask for his help, and he puts me on hold while he looks her up. During that time, my friend and i get to talkin.

  "Dude, i dont think he is allowed to tell you where she lives just because you know her. i mean, what if a guy was planning on killing his ex wife or something?"
   "Damn, you're right... hopefully he isnt tracing this call or anything haha" <--nervous laughter

From here i debate pretending to be a police officer who needs a statement from her, but i dont want to make her look bad. Plus, i dont know if she is worth a felony charge... Finally the clerk gets back to me, saying there is no registration for her here, even though she could still live there. Crap. Or he is lying to me so i don't pester him for information he cant give. Anyways, time for plan B, in which my buddy took a serious bullet for me. He went into the building and knocked on every door he heard noise coming from (i mean listening in with his ear to the door) and asked if the people inside knew her. (Lots of girls were disappointed on finding out these amazing flowers werent for them) No one had heard of her! As i drive him back to his dorm we joke she is actually a ghost of someone that died on Valentines Day 50 years ago. Then i text her to find out if she actually lives there, which she says she does. From here, my hand is forced and i spill about my secret plan, ruining the surprise. She tells me her apartment number, which i then tell to my friend to appease his curiosity, and turns out he went to their next door neighbors, (she is apartment X, he went to X + 1)... But still they hadn't heard of her. I am determined to get her these flowers after this (cold) ordeal, so she tells me her roommate will be back at their apartment at 2 (it was a bit after 1 at this time). After sitting in a parking lot for a bit, still with my windows down, wind blowing, and light hail, i double check if her roommate will be there AT 2... Turns out, she was there now, and was leaving very soon.... sigh, of course. So i raced back to the building, shoddily park in what i hope wasn't a handicapped spot, and bounded up a couple flights of stairs. I finally get there, make the drop to her roommate, mission succeeded.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Oh Shit!

My first memory of watching a film, any film at all, was Pet Sematary (thanks, Dad....) It wasnt the evil kid, or the friendly ghost with the split open head, but a flashback from the female lead's past. She told the story of her sister Zelda, who had spinal meningitis and was kept in the back room of the house. That flashback was some of the scariest shit to date. I dont know if it was the combo of being at the young age where we start forming our real memories and how creepy it was, but re-watching that scene takes me back to that little toddler who hadn't seen a horror movie ever before. I have to have a light on in this room to even type about it, yeeesh. What scares the shit out of you?

This is the best clip i could find. Enjoy.

Friday, February 11, 2011

"uhhh ya, im in a baaand, severe tire damage....."

My friends and i have some semblance of musical ability, so we have always tossed around the idea of starting a band. nothing serious, strictly for fun only.  The ideas we come up with revolve around a specific theme, and doing cover songs. I think i will list them....

1. Chixie Dicks - The name comes from a Zack Galifinakis stand-up where he says he "wants to make an all male country pop trio". The idea is to cover song's done by female artists, or at least groups with female vocalists. The punchline is the band is all guys! har har har......

2. No name for this one, just a harry potter themed band and an excuse for me to dress as a death eater.  Still no original songs, just modified covers to find the theme. My magnum opus for this one is a cover of Slayer's Raining Blood, re-worked to "raining mudblood" (from a sectumsempra skyyyyy!!!!). Is this my coming out as a huge dork?

3. Still no name, and still no original material. This band also would play re-worked songs, except with a Pokemon theme.(yes, i do like pokemon).  The song i am currently working on is called "Like a pid-gey6", a cover of the far east movement's Like a G6. the idea for the song is due to the comic i have posted below.

Bonus points for anyone who knows which movie the post title came from!
                            Here's the comic inspiration, props to the genius behind it

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Pokemon allegory

I didn't write this, but i thought it was incredibly clever when it comes to picking up women.

"Think of it like taking your Charmander around in Pokemon, battling a shit-ton of weak pokemon early on. Once you get high enough in level, you beat Brock, and move on. There are new challenges, but you also have new moves. You get further, maybe even add some new social skills (new Pokemon, new moves). Eventually, you will get to the Elite Four and fuck a hot bitch, but you have to fight bug trainers before you can beat Lance."

What do you think?

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Most Beautiful Song

A friend of mine recently asked "What do you think is the most beautiful song ever?" That left it pretty open to individual interpretation, so it wasn't geared toward a specific genre. I saw a few answers that i sort of expected, being famous classical pieces and such, but mine was more about how it made me feel. The song i answered with is calming, soothing, has a simple yet infectious bassline, and a soft melody. The song has the feel of a giant sigh of relief, as if you had just completed an arduous journey that was stacked against you from the start; and were met with lots of sacrifice along the way. this is the song id expect to hear playing after you finish, and are on your way home, victorious.

Orbital - Halcyon & on & on

(the video also adds to the sheer epicness of this song)

Monday, February 7, 2011

Travel Channel Showdown

During my quarantine, i have been watching a lot of the of the good travel channel shows, such as Man v Food, Bizarre Foods, and No Reservations. I think they all have sweet jobs, but which one is the best? Personally i think Anthony Bourdain does, host of No Reservations. Since its my blog and i can put whatever inane crap i want, let me walk you through my thought process.

Andrew Zimmern (Bizarre Foods) - Yes, he gets to travel to exotic countries all over the world, thats awesome.  But he doesnt always get to that country's finest restaurants, he goes out into the shit with the locals to sample traditional food, and like the title indicates, bizarre food. He tries everything to respect the customs and the people, but no matter how refined your palate is, or open your mind, some things are just repulsive. He once ate raw cow meat dipped in joint fluid, a lamprey, as well as rotten shark. Fun job, but those are some major strikes against it.

Adam Richman (Man v Food) - I would love to have 95% of Adam Richman's job. Travel around the country to renowned, popular places, mash unique and inventive bar food, loads of BBQ, cheesy stuff, fried stuff, fried cheesy stuff, etc. He is living every college student's dream, almost. The show revolves around food challenges in these towns, and they catch the attention of the Travel Channel because they are fuckin hard.  Most of the time is a massive portion, which we all know sucks when you eat past capacity, but the worst are the spicy challenges.  Most of those hot wings are blasted with capsaicin extract, which is the compound giving spicy foods their sting. it can actually cause physical problems to an individual. Fuck that. The worst part is, he doesnt always win. Fun job yes, but the pain is not worth it.

Anthony Bourdain (No Reservations)  - Anthony is a bit of curmudgeon, who enjoys smoking, drinking, good food and tells it like it is.  He combines the travel and experiences of Bizarre Foods with the food scene samplings of Man v Food. Best part though, none of the drawbacks.  Anthony get to check out popular local places, eat traditional (yet not nasty) food, dine at the finest restaurants, and travel with locals to get a feel for the life there. and drink!  No Reservations offers a vacation that isnt just for tourists to take pictures and buy junk souvenirs, Anthony knows the right people to show him the heart and soul of where he is visiting. Being the host of No Reservations would offer the chance to take amazing vacations as your job, thats why i think it would be the #1 job to have on the Travel Channel.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Possibly Best Valentine's Day Tip Ever...

With Valentine's Day coming up, some of my guy friends are struggling to find a good gift idea for their girlfriends, but also dont want to spend a lot of money on something superficial (which is all valentines day gifts really are?). It dawned on me, why not get YOURSELF something for valentine's day, DISGUISED as a gift? It is simple, get at least a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for her, some flowers (not just roses, think outside the box a little), and you're set. Girls love shopping at VS, and guys love chicks in awesome undies, so who really benefits from a gift like that? ...Exactly. Hope this helps.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Total Douchebags

I was watching some of the History Channel, and on came a commercial for American Pickers. For those not familiar, two dopes travel around to places owned/lived in by elderly people with hoarding problems, and sort through their junk looking for valuable memorabilia. seems innocent enough, until i watched part of an episode. They found some old man in foreclosure and low-balled him as hard as they could, knowing he had to get rid of this stuff, taking advantage of the fact he is stuck between a rock and hard place.  What sickened me most, and inspired this blog, was the newest commercial i saw... The taller one spots a rare schwinn bike, of which only about 10 have been accounted for, and his eyes bug out. You see his wheels turning, that he cannot let this old man know what a gem he has so he can get it for dirt cheap. The worst part of this show is that these guys act overly friendly and gregarious to the people they meet, to disguise what slimy, wolve's-in-sheep's clothing they really are. I have noticed they have the same glint in their eyes as Ted Haggard's from back when i first saw Jesus Camp.. and we all know what happened since then

Friday, February 4, 2011

Elder Scrolls 5??

I just saw that there is going to be an elder scrolls 5 game coming out 11/11/11 (how poetic...). this is my coming out as an RPG nerd, but i am fucking stoked. My first elder scrolls experience was playing oblivion, and i sucked ass. I didnt know anything about properly leveling up, training skills, or even how to fight correctly. Several months later i picked the game back up, and with some research ( plus 160 hours of gameplay), i turned my argonian into the most badass thing on cyrodil. The game i previously thought was immense and nearly unending, was finally (sadly?) finished. But now i have a new game to look forward to. Despite the teaser offering a half-step above nothing, this one looks to be bigger, better graphics, more customizable, and all round more...awesome. Anyone else excited for Skyrim?

Just look at that sword!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The Flu

I found out today that i have the flu... not the fake flu where you just puke for a day, but the legit HxNx virus. Unfortunately, it isnt the H1N1 swine flu, so i wont get to be on the local news and get a chance to troll myself onto tosh.0; oh well.  despite never having this before now, the symptoms are just like a monster hangover. that being said, Do you think that having influenza is a fair trade for getting out of several hours of boring classes/being able to sleep 18+ hours a day? so far, i think so; but that could change very soon....