I have this one friend who is the type of girl thats a total knockout, but has seriously shitty self-esteem. I figured i'd do something nice, anonymously send her some flowers, to give her a little swagger (at least for that day). So i skip class and head to the local flower shop. The first arrangement i saw looked good, but then i noticed a crinkled petal. That shit's not gonna fly here. I look a little more, then buy some pretty badass tulips out from under this married guy in his 30's, who thought they were "too expensive" (the guy pulled up in a Benz... she's your wife, douche). i gave him a "come at me, bro" smirk as i walked out the door, like a boss, with the flowers under my arm. From there, i enlisted a friend of mine she's never met to act as "delivery boy". So simple its foolproof, right? Well, thats when the shit hit the fan. When I reach campus at 9:30, the friend who initially agreed to help fell back asleep at about 9 that morning, during the window of time before his 11 am class i wanted to use. My three calls went unanswered so i tried someone else, still no luck. Meanwhile, i gotta keep these flowers cold so they stay lookin dope, so i am driving around the city blasting A/C with the windows rolled down. The temperature for that day was 37° F, with light snow and hail. Damnit. Finally my buddy wakes back up and texts me at 10:50 am, and says he can help after his class ends at 12:15. Ok, i can wait another hour or so, still with the windows down. During the wait, i run to a store to get one of those sticks you can put a little card in or a nametag, to try to kill some time. Finally his class ends and i pick him up at his dorm, and he writes her name on the card, in small, sorta sloppy print... Eh, i can't let that go, so i go get another card and some friendly cashier writes her name for me, in her nice woman handwriting. Now we can make the delivery. I call the front desk of her apartment complex to see where i would need to go to deliver flowers, and i am told we can take them right to the apartment. I know the building number, but not the specific apartment number, shit! So i call back and ask for his help, and he puts me on hold while he looks her up. During that time, my friend and i get to talkin.
"Dude, i dont think he is allowed to tell you where she lives just because you know her. i mean, what if a guy was planning on killing his ex wife or something?"
"Damn, you're right... hopefully he isnt tracing this call or anything haha" <--nervous laughter
From here i debate pretending to be a police officer who needs a statement from her, but i dont want to make her look bad. Plus, i dont know if she is worth a felony charge... Finally the clerk gets back to me, saying there is no registration for her here, even though she could still live there. Crap. Or he is lying to me so i don't pester him for information he cant give. Anyways, time for plan B, in which my buddy took a serious bullet for me. He went into the building and knocked on every door he heard noise coming from (i mean listening in with his ear to the door) and asked if the people inside knew her. (Lots of girls were disappointed on finding out these amazing flowers werent for them) No one had heard of her! As i drive him back to his dorm we joke she is actually a ghost of someone that died on Valentines Day 50 years ago. Then i text her to find out if she actually lives there, which she says she does. From here, my hand is forced and i spill about my secret plan, ruining the surprise. She tells me her apartment number, which i then tell to my friend to appease his curiosity, and turns out he went to their next door neighbors, (she is apartment X, he went to X + 1)... But still they hadn't heard of her. I am determined to get her these flowers after this (cold) ordeal, so she tells me her roommate will be back at their apartment at 2 (it was a bit after 1 at this time). After sitting in a parking lot for a bit, still with my windows down, wind blowing, and light hail, i double check if her roommate will be there AT 2... Turns out, she was there now, and was leaving very soon.... sigh, of course. So i raced back to the building, shoddily park in what i hope wasn't a handicapped spot, and bounded up a couple flights of stairs. I finally get there, make the drop to her roommate, mission succeeded.